That's a phrase God has given me, repeatedly, describing the season He has me in, in relation to the season He's taking me into. This season will come to a slow fade, but the new season will hit me with a quick transition.
I must admit, I'm so excited, but I'm so intimidated as well. (If you read my facebook page wallpsosts, then some parts of this may be redundant. Sorry.) God has been really challenging me to live a deeper life with Him. To walk freely in the things He has called me to, and to freely walk away from the things that hold me back from Him and His will. I have been (attempting) to spend at least 2 hours in the prayer room, at the International House of Prayer, every morning before I go to the office. This has been such a struggle, getting up at 5 am is not exactly my favorite thing ever. Proverbs 20:13, a warning against loving sleep, is something that I have really been weighing since I started this, lets call it a regiment, of 6am prayer. The days I sleep in and have to go to the prayer room at night, instead of starting my day with Jesus, those days are noticeably different than the days that I am obedient to the word the God gave me. I feel off, I don't have focus, I don't know what God's will for my day is, because I didn't start my day asking Him, "what do I need to know about today, what do you want me to do today?"
That's the beautiful thing about God's commands to us, they are optional. They are always an open invitation, that we can run after with Him, or choose to ignore and stay with ourselves. That is one of the things that I am painfully learning in this time of "slow fade," how much of my life, and anyone's life, is "choose God, or choose you." Choosing me is usually so much easier, and I GET TO SLEEP! The flip side of that is: I don't have Jesus guiding my day, I don't have the Holy Spirit launching me into my day. I've experienced both, and as much as the up front of getting up at 5 am and in the prayer room by 6 is sometimes agitating, the backside of not is nearly unbearable.
With all of this, God has been so gracious and encouraging. He reminds me that Jesus is my all in all, I don't need anyone but Him. My flesh doesn't believe that statement, my flesh almost craves spiritual encouragement from people. (I'm not saying wanting to be encouraged is a bad thing, just keep tracking with me!) There are many people in my life who can speak into my life, encourage me, give me scripture, give me prophesy. You name it, people can usually do it. The thing the Lord keeps reminding me of is that we have that blessing because of community, but we don't need it. We have access to the Guy who is giving them the scripture, the words, the prayers. We have direct access, through Jesus, to the One who is the Author and Perfecter of our faith!! As much as it is great to have a confirmation of something through a Word of Encouragement or a scripture, if I'm not spending time with the Lord on my own, hearing from Him for myself, then there is nothing to confirm.
He so longs to speak to us! He longs to interact with us! Read Song of Solomon sometime. He loves us! He wants to interact with us ... WE get in the way. It's not Him, He is speaking, trust that. If we aren't hearing anything then it's because of us. I have found more often than not, if I am sitting in prayer, and I am having a hard time concentrating or connecting to the Lord, that if I ask the Holy Spirit to search me and show me my unrepentant sin, stuff comes up. After I forgive (if necessary), repent, and receive God's forgiveness ... it's almost amazing how much clearer my mind gets, how much freer I feel.
We are completely dependent on Him. That's the basis of everything He's teaching me right now. How incredibly dependent I am, or should be, on Him. Catastrophes don't seem as bad, going to bed early so I can get up early doesn't seem like a sacrifice, stepping out in faith in the things He asks me to do don't seem as scary. As long as I have my heart in the right place, in His hands, and my eyes on the right thing, His face. It all seems better, because He promises to help us, He promises to love us, He promises to be with us, even when it's hard or painful.
His promises are good. He keeps them. I promise!
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